1 00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:09,240 If I squint at you from a distance, I can almost see a soldier. 2 00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,800 But what I'm wondering right now is what he dressed like. 3 00:00:13,460 --> 00:00:16,120 Can you be more specific, sir? 4 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,640 Like... Like Shrek. 5 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:21,340 No, I bought this costume at a Halloween store. 6 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:23,580 This is Angry Green Swamp Ogre. 7 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:28,860 Colonel, the troops have chosen to watch Shrek for the 17th straight movie night. 8 00:00:29,220 --> 00:00:31,220 I am dressed as an Angry Green Swamp Ogre. 9 00:00:31,460 --> 00:00:34,797 Now if someone were to dress as Shrek, maybe they would do so because the film is 10 00:00:34,821 --> 00:00:37,480 a cultural touchstone for an entire generation. 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,820 Get your feet off my desk. 12 00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:46,340 Officially as of now, Major, Shrek is banned on this base. 13 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:47,740 Confirm, sir. Fine. 14 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,440 Guess we can watch Shrek 2. 15 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:50,220 Shrek 2 is banned. 16 00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:51,600 Shrek 3, banned. 17 00:00:51,700 --> 00:00:51,760 What? 18 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:53,080 Is there a Shrek 4? 19 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:53,460 Because it's banned. 20 00:00:53,940 --> 00:00:54,340 Forever after. 21 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:54,840 What? 22 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,180 Shrek 4. 23 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,640 It's called Shrek Forever After. 24 00:00:57,940 --> 00:00:58,677 Well, not on this base. 25 00:00:58,701 --> 00:00:59,120 Hey! 26 00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:00,140 Come on now! 27 00:01:00,340 --> 00:01:01,860 Does the Constitution even allow that? 28 00:01:02,060 --> 00:01:02,320 Okay. 29 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:03,200 Bye-bye. 30 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:03,520 Just missed. 31 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:04,720 Great. 32 00:01:05,700 --> 00:01:06,780 Ready for the next meeting? 33 00:01:07,020 --> 00:01:07,560 Yeah, sure. 34 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:08,200 What is it? 35 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,800 Specialist Gideon is dressed as a giant donkey. 36 00:01:32,690 --> 00:01:34,330 Why are you trying to impress her? 37 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,130 She's just a Canadian NATO general. 38 00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,410 General Martin is coming here on my invitation. 39 00:01:38,450 --> 00:01:39,486 You understand that, right? 40 00:01:39,510 --> 00:01:42,990 And that last three mentees are all Lieutenant Generals now. 41 00:01:43,290 --> 00:01:44,290 Okay, relax. 42 00:01:44,430 --> 00:01:46,910 What do you have in that lovely folder? 43 00:01:47,210 --> 00:01:47,587 It's insane. 44 00:01:47,611 --> 00:01:49,790 Most soldiers put in their resume. 45 00:01:50,170 --> 00:01:52,470 You have your kindergarten artwork or something in there? 46 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:52,587 Stop. 47 00:01:52,611 --> 00:01:53,731 It doesn't go back that far. 48 00:01:53,830 --> 00:01:55,110 It starts at like middle school. 49 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:58,750 Dad, I would appreciate it if you were on your best behavior, you know? 50 00:01:59,010 --> 00:02:01,710 No, like, Canada jokes or anything stupid. 51 00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:03,030 Have I made a Canada joke? 52 00:02:03,090 --> 00:02:04,750 They are an important strategic partner. 53 00:02:05,050 --> 00:02:05,290 Okay. 54 00:02:05,730 --> 00:02:06,730 Here she comes. 55 00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,130 What's she gonna teach you? 56 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:09,490 How to say sorry? 57 00:02:09,870 --> 00:02:10,590 Just said stop. 58 00:02:10,850 --> 00:02:13,087 Well, maybe she'll introduce you to Santa Claus if you're lucky. 59 00:02:13,111 --> 00:02:14,111 Shut up. 60 00:02:14,930 --> 00:02:15,930 General Martin. 61 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,730 Well, hello, NATO. 62 00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:19,810 You must be the famous twins. 63 00:02:20,730 --> 00:02:21,370 The rumors are true. 64 00:02:21,530 --> 00:02:23,950 I could smell your base's cheese a half a click out. 65 00:02:24,370 --> 00:02:25,730 General Martin, it is an honor. 66 00:02:26,070 --> 00:02:27,447 Canada is, of course, one of our most important... 67 00:02:27,471 --> 00:02:30,470 One of our most important... Strategic partners. 68 00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:30,870 Strategic partners. 69 00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:33,090 We are big fans of Canada. 70 00:02:33,510 --> 00:02:33,870 Welcome. 71 00:02:34,230 --> 00:02:35,510 Can I get you coffee or tea? 72 00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:37,350 Caffeines for the unmotivated. 73 00:02:37,770 --> 00:02:38,770 I'd like a tour. 74 00:02:44,050 --> 00:02:46,808 This is our urban training site with state-of-the-art 75 00:02:46,832 --> 00:02:49,630 equipment to condition our troops for any situation. 76 00:02:50,190 --> 00:02:52,850 Mock buildings for forced entry exercises. 77 00:02:53,090 --> 00:02:55,090 A rock wall for terrain skill development. 78 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:59,050 And this is our picnic table for people to have lunch. 79 00:03:00,030 --> 00:03:00,390 What is that? 80 00:03:00,510 --> 00:03:01,510 A sandwich? 81 00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:02,570 Yum. 82 00:03:03,190 --> 00:03:06,847 This whole place here was a useless bowling alley until I turned it around. 83 00:03:06,871 --> 00:03:08,570 This was your influence? 84 00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:09,270 Oh, yeah. 85 00:03:09,370 --> 00:03:10,710 Oh, thank you, General. 86 00:03:10,950 --> 00:03:11,250 Thank you. 87 00:03:11,510 --> 00:03:13,752 General, would you care to see the most advanced 88 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:15,656 Armed Forces laundry operation in all of Europe? 89 00:03:15,890 --> 00:03:18,510 I'm sure it's not advanced enough to deal with my dirty laundry. 90 00:03:21,110 --> 00:03:23,847 Your reputation for risky humor precedes you, ma'am. 91 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,810 Well, there's not a lot of finishing schools in Saskatoon. 92 00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:32,167 You will be proud to know, Colonel, that we use your training methods on NATO troops. 93 00:03:32,191 --> 00:03:33,191 Oh, really? 94 00:03:33,390 --> 00:03:36,190 I'm very, very honored to hear that, General. 95 00:03:36,470 --> 00:03:38,250 I would like to hear more about that. 96 00:03:38,730 --> 00:03:40,795 And I also hear you have something to do with 97 00:03:40,819 --> 00:03:42,690 the NATO Professional Development Program. 98 00:03:42,850 --> 00:03:43,610 It's a fine program. 99 00:03:43,830 --> 00:03:46,330 Not as fine as this facility, though, I have to say. 100 00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:50,430 You know, we could use an upgrade like this at the NATO shape, base, and moms. 101 00:03:50,970 --> 00:03:54,150 We mostly have glowing maps and conference rooms. 102 00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:57,907 And look, it's all fun and war games, but how can you train soldiers if you've 103 00:03:57,931 --> 00:04:00,227 forgotten how it feels to hold a rifle in your hands? 104 00:04:00,251 --> 00:04:01,450 Yes, General. 105 00:04:01,690 --> 00:04:02,170 And you know what? 106 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,210 I still have my Glock. 107 00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:06,230 Oh, these don't. 108 00:04:06,510 --> 00:04:06,990 35 years ago. 109 00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:08,110 I love a Glock, Hela. 110 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:08,430 You know? 111 00:04:08,750 --> 00:04:09,750 Oh, that's a big one. 112 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:10,110 It is. 113 00:04:10,630 --> 00:04:11,170 I have one too. 114 00:04:11,530 --> 00:04:11,830 You too? 115 00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:17,490 General, I would love to come to your base and help assess the situation, 116 00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:21,470 and perhaps continue our conversation about that professional development. 117 00:04:21,550 --> 00:04:23,410 Captain, your letter got my attention. 118 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:27,210 And it brought me to this base, so I would love to host you at mine. 119 00:04:28,750 --> 00:04:29,087 Awesome. 120 00:04:29,111 --> 00:04:31,090 And Colonel Quinn as well? 121 00:04:31,650 --> 00:04:34,570 I would love to see those conference rooms. 122 00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,330 Oh, they're great for one-on-one meetings. 123 00:04:36,390 --> 00:04:37,590 I'd love to have a one-on-one. 124 00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:38,650 Me too. 125 00:04:38,690 --> 00:04:39,690 Can I see your candles? 126 00:04:39,850 --> 00:04:40,850 Yeah. 127 00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:43,850 Hey, I just heard. 128 00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:44,990 Is it true? 129 00:04:45,350 --> 00:04:46,830 You guys are really banned in Shrek. 130 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:48,530 Yeah, the Colonel banned the movie. 131 00:04:48,770 --> 00:04:51,290 Okay, yeah, but it's not like a real order, right? 132 00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:52,810 It's like one of his silly orders. 133 00:04:52,990 --> 00:04:54,717 Like when he told us that we couldn't say bless you after 134 00:04:54,741 --> 00:04:56,387 sneezing anymore because it was superstitious nonsense. 135 00:04:56,411 --> 00:04:57,510 Orders are orders. 136 00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:58,750 No Shrek. 137 00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:02,875 You are too old to understand how much this 138 00:05:02,899 --> 00:05:05,910 movie means to our younger enlisted soldiers. 139 00:05:06,370 --> 00:05:08,010 This is the cartoon about a fat grudge. 140 00:05:08,550 --> 00:05:08,850 I assume. 141 00:05:09,010 --> 00:05:10,026 I've only seen the poster. 142 00:05:10,050 --> 00:05:11,050 Well, you don't get it. 143 00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:15,750 As kids, these soldiers saw Shrek as this down-to-earth outsider. 144 00:05:16,250 --> 00:05:17,450 It means something to them. 145 00:05:17,710 --> 00:05:19,150 You know what means something to me? 146 00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:20,710 Following the chain of command. 147 00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:21,950 No. 148 00:05:22,330 --> 00:05:23,330 Don't say it. 149 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:30,160 Hey. 150 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:30,500 Hey. 151 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,560 So can you review these talking points that I wrote up for our trip to NATO? 152 00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:36,580 Where are you going? 153 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:38,937 I was going to pop over and see General Martin 154 00:05:38,961 --> 00:05:41,100 and make sure she knows where the defect is. 155 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,200 In that blazer? 156 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,480 This is my lucky blazer. 157 00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:45,700 It's your lucky blazer. 158 00:05:46,540 --> 00:05:49,320 It's not my fault that I'm five for five and this is just a nice one. 159 00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,740 Don't sleep with General Martin, please. 160 00:05:51,780 --> 00:05:52,040 Why? 161 00:05:52,280 --> 00:05:53,916 I really don't want things to get messy, okay? 162 00:05:53,940 --> 00:05:54,577 The program's so important to me. 163 00:05:54,601 --> 00:05:55,277 Why would it get messy? 164 00:05:55,301 --> 00:05:57,040 This is what you do. 165 00:05:57,360 --> 00:06:00,654 You'll sleep with a woman and then come up with some excuse, 166 00:06:00,678 --> 00:06:03,121 like a fake phone call that you have to go save America. 167 00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,356 And then they're left there alone and hurt. 168 00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:06,740 It's a pattern that you have. 169 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:07,540 It's not a pattern. 170 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:08,900 It's a lifestyle choice. 171 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,217 I fought in two wars and defend this country so that all Americans have the 172 00:06:13,241 --> 00:06:15,577 right to do whatever they want, including where whatever jacket they want 173 00:06:15,601 --> 00:06:17,882 to say hello to somebody and walk them over to the defect. 174 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,120 All right. 175 00:06:20,420 --> 00:06:21,420 All right. 176 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,377 I won't make my move until you make your move. 177 00:06:23,401 --> 00:06:23,940 Yes. 178 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,820 Thank you for your sacrifice. 179 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:27,080 It is a sacrifice. 180 00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:35,610 Hey! 181 00:06:36,190 --> 00:06:37,190 What's up? 182 00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:39,170 I forgot where the dining hall is. 183 00:06:39,450 --> 00:06:41,910 Oh, it's just across the lawn there if you want me to. 184 00:06:42,010 --> 00:06:43,010 That sounds far. 185 00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,690 You'd use a drink to tide me over. 186 00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:45,950 Oh. 187 00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:47,610 Hey. 188 00:06:49,370 --> 00:06:50,370 Nice place. 189 00:06:51,790 --> 00:06:52,570 It's your place. 190 00:06:52,810 --> 00:06:52,970 I know. 191 00:06:53,650 --> 00:06:55,286 Sometimes I just forget and I re-admire it. 192 00:06:55,310 --> 00:06:57,330 That's General Patton's gun. 193 00:06:58,810 --> 00:06:59,187 Ooh. 194 00:06:59,211 --> 00:06:59,610 Impressive. 195 00:07:00,090 --> 00:07:01,090 Yeah. 196 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:05,760 I've been sitting all day. 197 00:07:05,980 --> 00:07:09,860 I think it's going to be like a standing evening because I've just been... 198 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,180 Yeah, I was sitting all day. 199 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:13,480 Pretty tight. 200 00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:15,300 What's going on here? 201 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:16,300 What do you mean? 202 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,120 I mean, it's clear we have a natural attraction to each other, right? 203 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:19,280 Yeah. 204 00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:20,620 I mean, why retreat from it? 205 00:07:20,780 --> 00:07:21,780 It's perfect. 206 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:23,680 We're not in the same chain of command. 207 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:24,777 We're not even in the same army. 208 00:07:24,801 --> 00:07:25,560 I know. 209 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,537 The thing is, my daughter... 210 00:07:28,561 --> 00:07:31,137 She thinks that my personal life gets messy 211 00:07:31,161 --> 00:07:33,480 and she doesn't want me to get messy with you. 212 00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:34,580 Oh, I'm counting on it. 213 00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:36,017 Oh, well... 214 00:07:36,041 --> 00:07:39,461 So, get over here, peel off my sex blazer, and we'll 215 00:07:39,485 --> 00:07:42,641 see if you have the fortitude to invade Canada. 216 00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:43,780 Oh! 217 00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:50,000 Now I know some of you are upset about recent programming changes. 218 00:07:50,460 --> 00:07:52,297 I told you not to play with Shrek. 219 00:07:52,321 --> 00:07:57,781 Okay, since Shrek is your favorite childhood movie, I found the perfect substitute. 220 00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:58,660 What is that? 221 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,120 A giant vape? 222 00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:00,920 It's not a vape. 223 00:08:01,260 --> 00:08:02,260 This is a VHS. 224 00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:07,860 And it contains a recording of my favorite childhood movie, the never-ending story. 225 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,040 Enjoy! 226 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:12,720 Give it a shot. 227 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:13,880 Just give it a chance, okay? 228 00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:18,600 They hate this. 229 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,040 Wait, our horse dies in this? 230 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:22,177 We want Shrek. 231 00:08:22,201 --> 00:08:23,201 Hey, dude. 232 00:08:23,420 --> 00:08:24,100 Be cool. 233 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:24,680 Dude? 234 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:26,360 It's major. 235 00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:27,660 Sorry, dude. 236 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:28,720 Major. 237 00:08:29,260 --> 00:08:30,780 Listen, why don't you take a walk? 238 00:08:31,620 --> 00:08:32,980 Well, this watch the star is born. 239 00:08:34,540 --> 00:08:36,560 Okay, this is just a DVD of Shrek. 240 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:38,200 Prove it. 241 00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:38,860 Put it in. 242 00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:39,420 You know what? 243 00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:41,800 No, no, we're not watching Shrek. 244 00:08:41,980 --> 00:08:42,980 That is an order. 245 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:44,400 Great. 246 00:08:44,580 --> 00:08:45,660 Enjoy your flying dog. 247 00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:46,580 Creep. 248 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,360 I'm leaving. 249 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:52,157 Let's get out of here. 250 00:08:52,181 --> 00:08:54,220 He's a dragon, and he's really cute and charming. 251 00:08:54,720 --> 00:08:56,140 It was ahead of its time. 252 00:08:57,180 --> 00:08:58,180 Oh, my God. 253 00:08:58,360 --> 00:08:59,960 What happened to Canadians being polite? 254 00:09:00,380 --> 00:09:01,920 It's a high-altitude training perk. 255 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,200 I need very little oxygen. 256 00:09:03,540 --> 00:09:05,360 I was getting a little worried, you know. 257 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:06,380 What? 258 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,600 What's that scar? 259 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,020 Oh, Isis' terrorist. 260 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:10,939 He was inside of a bowling, so I smashed her 261 00:09:10,963 --> 00:09:12,660 window, grabbed them, pulled them right at. 262 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,100 Oh, that's cool. 263 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:19,120 Oh, my God. 264 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:20,117 What's that from? 265 00:09:20,141 --> 00:09:21,141 Bar fight. 266 00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:21,900 Moose draw. 267 00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:22,660 I won. 268 00:09:23,140 --> 00:09:25,620 It's so much bigger than mine. 269 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,320 I know. 270 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:29,860 Cool. 271 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:34,280 Oh, boy. 272 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:35,960 I... Man. 273 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,040 Aww. 274 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,180 Looks like I got a save Canada. 275 00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:40,780 What? 276 00:09:40,860 --> 00:09:42,340 I can't believe you said that. 277 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:44,100 That's my move. 278 00:09:44,140 --> 00:09:45,580 That's what I was just about to say. 279 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,040 I swear to God. 280 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,517 Well, you said you didn't want things to get messy. 281 00:09:48,541 --> 00:09:49,760 No, this is perfect. 282 00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:53,440 This means it could just be a mutual transmission of fluids. 283 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,300 And, you know, respect, obviously. 284 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:57,720 Hopefully not too much respect. 285 00:10:04,670 --> 00:10:06,470 Good morning, Mags. 286 00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:08,050 Oh, my God. 287 00:10:08,510 --> 00:10:08,590 What? 288 00:10:08,970 --> 00:10:10,530 You slept with General Martin. 289 00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:11,310 No, I didn't. 290 00:10:11,450 --> 00:10:12,070 What are you talking about? 291 00:10:12,270 --> 00:10:12,310 What? 292 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:14,150 You never say good morning, Mags. 293 00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:18,147 You potentially destroyed my chances at the NATO Professional Development Program. 294 00:10:18,171 --> 00:10:20,830 After you said, I won't make things messy. 295 00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:21,790 It's not messy. 296 00:10:22,010 --> 00:10:22,530 It's so cool. 297 00:10:22,810 --> 00:10:24,150 She's the female version of me. 298 00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,319 She actually even used my move on me after we, 299 00:10:26,343 --> 00:10:29,510 you know, we're done having, you know, relations. 300 00:10:29,970 --> 00:10:32,731 She picked up her phone and she was like, oh, I got to go save Canada. 301 00:10:33,170 --> 00:10:33,850 That was like really? 302 00:10:34,190 --> 00:10:34,430 From what? 303 00:10:34,630 --> 00:10:34,970 The Yetis? 304 00:10:35,230 --> 00:10:38,027 Let's say that she doesn't hate your guts yet. 305 00:10:38,051 --> 00:10:38,450 She doesn't. 306 00:10:38,610 --> 00:10:40,410 She loves many parts of me. 307 00:10:40,450 --> 00:10:41,450 Okay, stop. 308 00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:43,210 New plan. 309 00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,727 You are just going to give her this. 310 00:10:44,751 --> 00:10:48,830 You're going to talk me up and you are going to help secure me this mentorship, 311 00:10:49,110 --> 00:10:50,110 okay? 312 00:10:51,430 --> 00:10:52,910 This is so heavy. 313 00:10:53,150 --> 00:10:54,150 It's seven pounds. 314 00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:55,890 Like I'm begging you to just edit. 315 00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:56,350 Go! 316 00:10:56,930 --> 00:10:58,530 So I can go wash my brain. 317 00:11:02,570 --> 00:11:04,630 Thanks for coming to my next class. 318 00:11:05,970 --> 00:11:09,670 I just couldn't turn down the chance to have sex on a war table. 319 00:11:10,350 --> 00:11:13,267 Next time, instead of doing it on Canada, can we do it on Russia? 320 00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:16,470 Because I feel like if we do it long enough, Putin might actually find out. 321 00:11:16,670 --> 00:11:17,670 Oh, he'll find out. 322 00:11:18,170 --> 00:11:19,710 All right, well, I got to go. 323 00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:22,570 And don't worry, I'm not saving Canada this time. 324 00:11:22,690 --> 00:11:24,410 If anything, I'm putting her in more danger. 325 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:27,620 Hey, I was thinking, you know, like you and my 326 00:11:27,644 --> 00:11:29,951 daughter should get to know each other better. 327 00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:30,810 She's a great girl. 328 00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:31,510 She's really interesting. 329 00:11:31,830 --> 00:11:32,350 She's wicked smart. 330 00:11:32,610 --> 00:11:33,730 She's an impressive officer. 331 00:11:34,030 --> 00:11:35,030 You should be very proud. 332 00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:35,570 I'm so proud. 333 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:37,187 And I actually told her that once on the road. 334 00:11:37,211 --> 00:11:44,347 So I was just thinking that we could grab dinner and get to know each other. 335 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,611 There's an entire place nearby. 336 00:11:45,790 --> 00:11:47,110 They do a family-style thing. 337 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:47,590 It's great. 338 00:11:48,230 --> 00:11:49,910 I thought maybe... I don't do family-style. 339 00:11:50,470 --> 00:11:52,750 But what they can do individual plates is no big thing. 340 00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:55,890 Anyway, she gave me this. 341 00:11:56,210 --> 00:11:59,867 Which is a folder summing up her career and her ideas about the future of... 342 00:11:59,891 --> 00:12:00,891 Oh, my God. 343 00:12:00,970 --> 00:12:01,210 I know. 344 00:12:01,590 --> 00:12:02,370 What the hell is that? 345 00:12:02,590 --> 00:12:04,038 She has an obby-shaped head, and it took us a 346 00:12:04,062 --> 00:12:06,107 while to figure out what haircut worked for her. 347 00:12:06,131 --> 00:12:08,330 And that was one of the ones that worked. 348 00:12:08,950 --> 00:12:10,430 But anyways, so it's all in here. 349 00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:13,710 You can just get to... where are you going? 350 00:12:14,110 --> 00:12:15,490 Uh, call my office. 351 00:12:15,950 --> 00:12:17,426 Okay, well, we're still on for tomorrow, right? 352 00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,450 I'm sure it'll work out. 353 00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,320 And hook! 354 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:33,140 Why are soldiers in the DFAC eating raw onions like an apple? 355 00:12:33,580 --> 00:12:35,140 Because it's Shrek's favorite food, sir. 356 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:38,377 Also a representation of these many layers. 357 00:12:38,401 --> 00:12:40,500 I am following orders. 358 00:12:41,220 --> 00:12:42,480 And so should you. 359 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,100 You know who else was just following orders? 360 00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:47,900 Lord Farquad's knights. 361 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,857 Lord Farquad is an emissant. 362 00:12:50,881 --> 00:12:52,620 No, I got it from context clues. 363 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:53,540 Thank you so much. 364 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,000 This is ending now, and no more playing All Star By Smash Mouth. 365 00:12:57,220 --> 00:12:57,600 Terrible song. 366 00:12:57,920 --> 00:12:58,920 Hey, now. 367 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:00,400 It's a classic... 368 00:13:09,050 --> 00:13:10,050 greeting our sheets. 369 00:13:10,650 --> 00:13:12,570 You just been assigned a latrine duty. 370 00:13:13,410 --> 00:13:14,910 Oh, you can silence me! 371 00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:19,370 A good luck silencing the insertraction. 372 00:13:34,540 --> 00:13:35,540 Yummy? 373 00:13:37,820 --> 00:13:39,280 You've been waiting a long time. 374 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:40,700 Well, she is a general. 375 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,320 And everything went okay yesterday. 376 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:42,800 Great. 377 00:13:43,340 --> 00:13:44,340 You gave her my folder. 378 00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,920 Yes, I, uh, I showed her the folder. 379 00:13:48,460 --> 00:13:50,040 And, um... You showed her the folder? 380 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:51,260 Yeah. 381 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:52,877 Did she read the folder? 382 00:13:52,901 --> 00:13:53,901 No, she didn't have to. 383 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:54,577 Like, that's the thing. 384 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,960 She's, obviously, like I said, she's so into me. 385 00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:00,760 General Martin can't give the tour after all. 386 00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:02,740 She's been pulled into an important meeting. 387 00:14:03,180 --> 00:14:04,180 Oh, okay. 388 00:14:04,820 --> 00:14:05,080 Of course. 389 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,540 Thank you, ma'am. 390 00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:07,980 Got it. 391 00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:10,300 You said that she was very into you. 392 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:11,180 She was into me. 393 00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:12,900 Oh, why is she blowing you off? 394 00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:15,240 Women don't blow me off, honey. 395 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:15,440 Okay. 396 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:18,560 You get pulled into an important last minute meeting all the time. 397 00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:20,920 And when you're doing that, what does it mean? 398 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:23,520 It's a blow on them off, come on. 399 00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:24,320 We are. 400 00:14:24,420 --> 00:14:24,660 Let's go. 401 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,280 Come back. 402 00:14:26,620 --> 00:14:27,400 Come back. 403 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:27,780 Stop. 404 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:29,480 Yes. 405 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,100 Sure. 406 00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:31,560 What the hell is going on here? 407 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,700 What? 408 00:14:35,020 --> 00:14:35,720 Oh, my God. 409 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:36,880 This is your big meeting. 410 00:14:37,060 --> 00:14:38,540 You're re-gripping your hockey stick. 411 00:14:39,200 --> 00:14:39,580 Unbelievable. 412 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:41,160 It's called a Canadian breakup. 413 00:14:41,500 --> 00:14:42,700 It's as direct as we can be. 414 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,920 You're breaking up with me? 415 00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:45,060 That's a laugh. 416 00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:46,840 This means war. 417 00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:47,880 Look, I'm sorry. 418 00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,180 Oh, you're sorry. 419 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,536 Oh, you're going to be very sorry. 420 00:14:50,560 --> 00:14:50,820 You know what? 421 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,943 I'd like to challenge you to one of these little war games that 422 00:14:52,967 --> 00:14:55,196 you supposedly run here in this toothless little dollhouse. 423 00:14:55,220 --> 00:14:55,960 He's very passionate. 424 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:58,931 Perhaps that is not the best idea, considering Canada 425 00:14:58,955 --> 00:15:02,000 is one of our most important strategic partners. 426 00:15:02,240 --> 00:15:03,640 It's important, strategic partners. 427 00:15:03,740 --> 00:15:06,140 There are a bunch of syrup, sock and puck making losers. 428 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:06,740 No. 429 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,661 Yeah, I haven't won the Stanley Cup with the Canadian team since 1993. 430 00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:13,440 How dare you bring up my country's greatest shame. 431 00:15:14,180 --> 00:15:14,220 Fine. 432 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,220 War it is. 433 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,020 You pick any country on the map and I will use that country to crush NATO. 434 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:20,380 Bhutan. 435 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:21,857 Bhutan it is. 436 00:15:21,881 --> 00:15:22,881 I love Bhutan. 437 00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:23,680 Yeah, here we go. 438 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:24,280 Bhutan. 439 00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:26,080 I'm Captain Bhutan. 440 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,640 Yeah, Bhutan is a pacifist country with a million Buddhists. 441 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,860 I'm going to war with a bunch of Buddhists. 442 00:15:33,340 --> 00:15:36,320 Okay, I'm going to double that bet. 443 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,640 Bhutan wins, which it will because I'm running it. 444 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,940 My daughter gets the professional mentorship thing. 445 00:15:41,220 --> 00:15:41,700 How about that? 446 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:45,420 Okay, well, you have a lot of confidence or no faith in your daughter. 447 00:15:45,600 --> 00:15:46,600 Let's find out which one. 448 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:47,500 I'm very confident. 449 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,940 That's which one it is, okay? 450 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:49,540 Yeah, okay. 451 00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:50,017 Let's go. 452 00:15:50,041 --> 00:15:50,100 Yeah. 453 00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,760 You think you're cool? 454 00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:54,860 It's pretty hot. 455 00:15:55,140 --> 00:15:55,280 Dad. 456 00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,080 Circuit. 457 00:15:56,480 --> 00:15:57,480 All right. 458 00:16:00,410 --> 00:16:04,527 This war table is connected to an AI program that immediately assesses any 459 00:16:04,551 --> 00:16:07,290 geopolitical consequences by military actions. 460 00:16:07,790 --> 00:16:08,050 Hey, everyone. 461 00:16:08,570 --> 00:16:11,610 Nuclear war was still done by human hands pushing big red buttons. 462 00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,490 Okay, let's begin. 463 00:16:13,990 --> 00:16:14,990 Hmm. 464 00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:18,118 My entire professional future is now tied to 465 00:16:18,142 --> 00:16:20,587 this war game, so you're sure you can beat her? 466 00:16:20,611 --> 00:16:21,490 100% sure. 467 00:16:21,630 --> 00:16:21,810 Great. 468 00:16:21,950 --> 00:16:22,810 No question in my mind. 469 00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:23,090 All right. 470 00:16:23,430 --> 00:16:26,090 Just show me where 10 is it. 471 00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:27,650 New Mexico. 472 00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:29,250 Bhutan is here. 473 00:16:29,810 --> 00:16:30,850 Only China, India, border. 474 00:16:30,970 --> 00:16:31,970 Interesting. 475 00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:32,490 Okay. 476 00:16:33,290 --> 00:16:34,410 You ready to lock in? 477 00:16:34,610 --> 00:16:35,230 No, I'm locked in. 478 00:16:35,430 --> 00:16:35,610 Okay. 479 00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:38,470 You think I got banned from three trivia nights without locking in? 480 00:16:38,550 --> 00:16:39,550 Okay. 481 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:46,540 What is happening here? 482 00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,680 Okay, what is wrong with you all? 483 00:16:48,820 --> 00:16:49,420 Get back to work. 484 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,120 Clean this up. 485 00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:50,680 That's an order. 486 00:16:51,220 --> 00:16:52,137 It's a total revolt, sir. 487 00:16:52,161 --> 00:16:55,500 I cannot believe that Papadakis and Sparta rebelling over a stupid cartoon. 488 00:16:57,940 --> 00:16:58,940 This is a mutiny. 489 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:01,440 It's a very stupid mutiny. 490 00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:08,157 We here at the Indo-China Bhutanese Alliance respond with a drone squadron in 491 00:17:08,181 --> 00:17:12,420 the mountainous region and artillery at the northern border. 492 00:17:12,900 --> 00:17:13,940 Now we're at a stalemate. 493 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,377 Not exactly, because while you were digging trenches, I was training the 494 00:17:18,401 --> 00:17:21,040 Bhutanese liberation front in the Himalayan caves. 495 00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:24,760 You're leading an army of Buddhist guerrillas. 496 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:26,360 Yeah, call it karma. 497 00:17:27,240 --> 00:17:31,617 And you know, the BLF advantage is that we only live in the moment that and the 498 00:17:31,641 --> 00:17:35,980 nuclear weapons that we have smuggled into half a dozen Eastern European cities. 499 00:17:36,460 --> 00:17:37,840 That's a highly unusual move. 500 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,700 Yeah, but you can only push Buddhist so far. 501 00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:42,220 Right? 502 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,820 Get ready to be reincarnated. 503 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,200 Can I talk to you privately for a moment? 504 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:46,620 Mm-hmm. 505 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:49,980 I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think it's a little bit gross out, 506 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:50,317 don't you? 507 00:17:50,341 --> 00:17:50,780 No. 508 00:17:51,180 --> 00:17:53,095 No, I would rather trigger nuclear winter than 509 00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:55,881 lose my mentorship because I played it too safe. 510 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:56,640 Trust me. 511 00:17:56,860 --> 00:17:57,860 Okay. 512 00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,500 Whoo! 513 00:17:59,780 --> 00:18:00,780 Your turn. 514 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:05,840 Papadakis, this is out of control. 515 00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:07,160 You gotta call it off. 516 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:10,500 You know, Major, I was never asking for a slack. 517 00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:12,840 I was only asking for Shrek. 518 00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:14,620 I wish it was that easy. 519 00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:16,020 It is that easy. 520 00:18:16,060 --> 00:18:17,456 The bass has Shrek on like David E. 521 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,317 Blu-ray, audiobook, even that weird big vape. 522 00:18:19,341 --> 00:18:22,080 It's called a VHS, and it is the Colonel's Order. 523 00:18:22,860 --> 00:18:23,860 He's in here. 524 00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,320 It's your order now. 525 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,480 Conway, you volunteered for the dream duty? 526 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,740 I'm finally serving a cause I can believe in. 527 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,520 You told us to act like soldiers. 528 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,520 The question now is... kind of soldier are you. 529 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,580 Is that a line from Shrek? 530 00:18:42,180 --> 00:18:43,400 Only one way to find out. 531 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:49,440 NATO forces invade the BLF, the Bulgarian terrorist cell. 532 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,660 That is too bad. 533 00:18:52,540 --> 00:18:54,780 Because we were never there. 534 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:58,260 We were in North Macedonia the whole time. 535 00:18:58,800 --> 00:18:59,800 North Macedonia. 536 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,698 One of NATO's newest members, but they agreed 537 00:19:02,722 --> 00:19:05,261 to house us in exchange for a nuclear weapon. 538 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:08,298 Which is the reward that we offer for any country 539 00:19:08,322 --> 00:19:11,960 willing to join the Indo-China-Boutanese Alliance. 540 00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:14,560 Oh, my God. 541 00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:19,061 And then the Eastern Bloc will join you, and the NATO alliance is permanently broken. 542 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,080 Just kidding. 543 00:19:21,220 --> 00:19:22,220 Just kidding. 544 00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:23,760 Wow. 545 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:25,160 Crazy, impressive, right? 546 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,259 See, I told you, that's why you should have had 547 00:19:27,283 --> 00:19:29,083 that family style dinner with the three of us. 548 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,420 Sorry, did you invite a woman that you barely know to a family style dinner? 549 00:19:33,220 --> 00:19:35,341 Yeah, I mean... Well, that's insane. 550 00:19:35,820 --> 00:19:36,140 I'm insane. 551 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:37,996 You're the food and he's been lied. 552 00:19:38,020 --> 00:19:39,660 I mean, I wonder she blew us off. 553 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,817 That's not why she blew me off. 554 00:19:40,841 --> 00:19:41,841 Oh, yes it is. 555 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:42,920 No, it freaked me out. 556 00:19:43,020 --> 00:19:46,100 I thought you were going to propose going on a Disney cruise as a family next. 557 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:47,920 Oh, hang on a second. 558 00:19:48,540 --> 00:19:49,620 Shot 9-1-1. 559 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,040 Oh. 560 00:19:51,700 --> 00:19:56,137 Look, he is not invested in family at all, but he did raise a daughter who knows her 561 00:19:56,161 --> 00:19:59,360 way around a war game, which I think... I just won. 562 00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:01,680 So, about that. 563 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,758 Captain, I can't in good conscience let a maniac 564 00:20:04,782 --> 00:20:07,781 like you out on the street without my guidance. 565 00:20:08,620 --> 00:20:10,060 Therefore, the mentorship is yours. 566 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:10,560 Congratulations. 567 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:12,280 Thank you, ma'am. 568 00:20:12,340 --> 00:20:13,340 Thank you so much. 569 00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:17,917 So, looks like Shoutover rode my Shrek band on the bass and he says we have to 570 00:20:17,941 --> 00:20:20,341 show the film tonight because it has generational importance. 571 00:20:20,780 --> 00:20:21,780 Shrek, I love Shrek. 572 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:22,960 Oh, like Myers. 573 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:23,460 He's our guy. 574 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:24,880 He's our Canada guy. 575 00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,140 Can I come and see it? 576 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:26,680 I haven't seen it. 577 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,380 Sure, I'll just tell Shout to save us a couple seats. 578 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:29,980 I'm so excited. 579 00:20:30,260 --> 00:20:30,340 Yeah. 580 00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:31,220 Oh, that's great. 581 00:20:31,420 --> 00:20:32,420 Great. 582 00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:35,060 You're going to watch Shrek? 583 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,997 Yeah, if she's watching it, I'll watch it. 584 00:20:37,021 --> 00:20:37,480 Okay. 585 00:20:37,700 --> 00:20:39,260 It's, what is he? 586 00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,000 He's a giant fat frog, right? 587 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,400 Mm-hmm. 588 00:20:46,340 --> 00:20:48,040 You made the right choice, Shaw. 589 00:20:48,220 --> 00:20:49,720 I'm glad we didn't have to kill you. 590 00:20:50,300 --> 00:20:52,501 You know, I always wanted to date somebody 591 00:20:52,525 --> 00:20:54,800 that was basically the female version of me. 592 00:20:55,180 --> 00:20:56,040 Mm-hmm. 593 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:57,600 Hey, can I touch your callus again? 594 00:20:57,900 --> 00:20:58,257 Oh, yeah. 595 00:20:58,281 --> 00:20:59,281 Mm. 596 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,540 Last and final offer, Colonel. 597 00:21:09,020 --> 00:21:10,340 I'll agree to one shared holiday. 598 00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:11,740 I'll give you Boxing Day. 599 00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:16,420 Any 24-hour rendezvous can turn into a 48-hour rendezvous, but at that point, 600 00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:21,080 the clock resets, and it's a mutually agreed-upon 72-hour cooling-off period. 601 00:21:21,420 --> 00:21:21,600 Fine. 602 00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:22,220 Okay. 603 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,120 In terms of endearment, I will accept special someone, main squeeze, 604 00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:27,100 gal pal. 605 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,720 I'm never going to say gal pal. 606 00:21:28,860 --> 00:21:29,860 Done. 607 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:30,797 All right. 608 00:21:30,821 --> 00:21:31,900 Lock the doors. 609 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,440 Let's test the bounds of this agreement. 610 00:21:35,620 --> 00:21:37,320 It's going so well!